I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
