Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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