Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
