Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
pop tarts are not kleenex
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
