Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
that is very illegal...i love you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
