I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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