i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
