I faked an abortion last night.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Randomize
