So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
