well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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