i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
