Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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