Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Fuck appropriateness.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
