Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
