Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
