I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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