I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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