I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
