Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
