This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
