Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
