I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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