I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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