pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
