I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
