you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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