I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
look no pants
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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