how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
nutella sex= disaster
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
