Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
zippers are such a cool invention
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
