Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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