shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just want to make out with him forever
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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