What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Randomize
