I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
