dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
