I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
