For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
