this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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