I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
