i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
