I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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