I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
