Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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