K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
