He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
