I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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