My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
