Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
