I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
