we're chasing vodka with high fives
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
