its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
