Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
