Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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