I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just gargled with NyQuil
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
