maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
