end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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