i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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